April 24th, 2011 - For My Doubters

Yes, I have doubters. Some of them, if not most, read this blog. If you're reading this, you know who you are. I know who some of you are.

It has come to my attention that you, while encouraging me to my face, have been talking behind my back, questioning my choices and decisions. I don't like that. Not one bit.

You ask how I can be losing weight when you view me eating one somewhat unhealthy meal in a day, assuming that I don't eat healthy during the rest of the day. You ask how it is that I can't afford my diet food when I can afford other things. You question my devotion to my weight loss goals. You ask other people close to me about it, but don't have the guts to ask me yourself.

Well, I have some things to say to you.

First, maybe the reason you see me eating an unhealthy meal is because I'm at work, and aside from a salad there isn't a healthy thing on the menu to eat. Maybe I've been so busy that I don't have time to make a healthy meal before everything gets turned off for the night. How do you know what I eat when I'm not there, what you haven't seen with your own two eyes? I've made a pretty serious effort to eat better, healthier meals. But when you're in a time crunch there isn't always a healthy option, is there? When I'd like to bake some skinless chicken pieces, which is extremely healthy, I can't because the oven is turned off, leaving me only a deep fryer, so I make some chicken strips. Maybe I've eaten salads and fresh veggies all day, and would like a cheeseburger for dinner. That's my choice, and when it's an off-diet day I have a whole open world of menu choices to choose from, healthy or not. Just because you see me eat one unhealthy meal doesn't mean that's all I'm eating. Don't assume; you know the rest.

Second, maybe the reason I have money to spend on things other than food is because I've budgeted for it, and saved. A guy needs to be able to enjoy life a little, ya know? And considering that in the "off time" that I've had, including a 21 day and nearly 28 day span where my food budget has been smaller than I'd like, that I've got a net weight loss of 7.2 lbs., I'd say that I'm doing alright. Maybe I could lose more weight faster if I diverted some of my other budget money to my food budget. I won't deny that. However, my food budget money comes from my regular income, where my other budget money, to be used for activities, books, new furniture, saving up towards a new car, etc., comes from my tip money. You might think I do more more than I actually do. Ask my roommate: I go to work, and I come home and hide in my room for the most part. Occasionally I go out to spend time at a friend's house or an event, but most of the time I'm a homebody, unless I'm at the gym, which is getting to be more and more lately as I build from 1-2 times a week. I also know how to entertain myself cheap. If I want to go to a movie, I'll wait for it to go the $3 theater, instead of paying over $10 to see it when it first comes out. The only new movies I've seen in first-run theaters the last couple years have been because of free passes I've received as gifts. I don't have a ton of spending money so I budget it well. I save. So again, don't assume.

Finally, how can you have the nerve to question my desire to lose weight? When I first weighed myself for this journey, I was dumbfounded, shocked, and brought nearly to tears. For years I've tried to lose weight, several different plans from books and magazines, and all with the same outcomes: 2-3 months in with no change or progress shown. I finally find something that is working for me, doing almost no extra physical activity than my normal daily routine, that I've now lost nearly 22 lbs on, and you still have the nerve to talk behind my back and question how devoted to this plan I am? Do you really think I want to weigh nearly 400 pounds? Do you think I'm happy to look like this? Seriously? How in the hell can you even begin to think that I'm happy with my current physical shape? Not to mention that I have LOST 22 lbs. I'd say that I've been sticking with something that works, and that I'm showing results. For someone that's supposedly not devoted, I'd say that's pretty good. This is the most un-logical point of all, and yet from what I hear people are saying crap like this. For the last time, don't assume.

It really makes me angry that people are questioning me and my decisions. It's all people who have well-established and dependable streams of income, legal or not. Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but not everyone has a steady income stream. I'm one of them, and I make do with what I have. Everyone likes a nice tasty meal, myself included, and when I'm not in my diet week and have the opportunity to make one that might be unhealthier than you would like me to eat, well, that's not your choice to make. You can suggest to me nicely that I might make a healthier choice. But if I've been craving a cheeseburger for over a week, and I have the opportunity to have one, then damn it I'm going to have one. I am capable of eating a cheeseburger without eating a ton of french fries along with it. In fact, I rarely eat french fries anyway. And for the love of God, I'm losing weight. Don't question my desire when the proof is in baggier pants that I have to pull up all the time (and yes, there are witnesses) and more energy. If you want to make sure I'm sticking with the program, and I am because for once something is actually working, then encourage me, don't doubt me and talk behind my back. Build me up, don't tear me down. Believe me, things you say when I'm not around are being relayed to me, and I don't like it. And really, some of you have no room to talk, either.

They say that you have to believe in yourself before others will believe in you. Well, I believe in myself. The question is, do you believe in me too?